In a large bowl, combine all patty ingredients. Gently knead with your hands until just combined; don’t overwork the meat. Divide into 8 loose 3-ounce balls and keep chilled.

Heat a large electric or flat-top griddle to hot (400–450°F). While it heats, whisk together all crack sauce ingredients in a small bowl and chill until ready to use.

Place 2 beef balls on the hot surface. Immediately cover each with a square of parchment and smash down firmly using a burger press or heavy spatula until about ¼-inch thin. Hold for 10 seconds to form a crust. Peel off parchment paper and season with a pinch of pepper.

Cook for 60-90 seconds until the edges are deeply brown and juices bubble through the top. Scrape hard under each patty with a sharp metal turner, flip, and top with a slice of cheese. Cover with a pot lid to melt the cheese and cook for 30-45 seconds more. Transfer to a plate. If making doubles, stack two patties together while hot.

While the patties cook, butter the buns and toast cut-side down on the cooler side of the griddle until golden.

Spread crack sauce on both bun halves. Layer with lettuce, tomato, a single or double patty, and pickles if using. Serve immediately.